Speech therapy? Or theraphooey?

So Andrew and Gregory had their three-year-old checkup last week.  (Why yes, they did turn three in January.  And maybe last week was April.  But if you divide three months by two, then they were each about six weeks late, which isn’t sooo bad.)  (Gestating fourteen pounds of baby at once qualifies you for math manipulation.)

We were in the exam room for approximately seven minutes, which was long enough for us to empty the paper towel dispenser, repeatedly jump off the table (many feet high, over a very hard floor, which amounts to brain damage, unless mommy manages to get in the way), run in to the hallway naked (that was not me, I swear), and knock over the trashcan.  Interspersed with all of this fun, the doctor managed an occasional prod and measurement.  He then decreed them healthy, and handed over a recommendation for speech therapy.

 Speech therapy?  What the hell?  Dude, I can’t get them to shut up!  In all seriousness, they are not that behind.  Maybe a little, but nothing that I found to be worrisome.  ‘Gregory’ may be ‘Gwegwy’, but they’re three.  So I am having mixed feelings about this.  Allow me to share those feelings, although not in order, as I cycle through them randomly, sometimes enjoying several at once.

1. We know several kids that have had speech therapy!  This will be helpful!

2.We were there for seven minutes, and they were a little shy.  Jerk doctor.

3.My darling babies are defective!

4.This is my fault.  With your first baby you’re all “Use your big boy words!  Great job!  Time for flashcards!”  By the time kid number four wanders out, you tend to throw handfuls of cereal in his general direction in hopes of keeping him quiet long enough for your brain to actually finish an entire thought in peace.  I did this to them!  I turned them stupid!

5.Twins’ speech often develops more slowly.  The books say so.  It’s totally normal, and they catch up to singletons fairly quickly.

6.Like I needed something ELSE to worry about.

7.Their sentences have become more complex just in the past few weeks!  You weren’t worried before, and mother knows best- they’ll be fine

8.It certainly wouldn’t hurt anything to get it.  By the time they go to school they will be geniuses!

9.I’m sooo tired of completely overanalyzing this.  I have other very important things to think about.  Squirrels are eating the strawberries out of my garden.   Google said to surround the plants with crushed mothballs, will that make my backyard smell like a grandmother’s basement?

So one of these days I will decide what to do.  We will probably just get the speech therapy, it won’t hurt.  And factoring in my tendency towards procrastination, it might even be before middle school!  (Of course, if you divide that by two…)

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May 5, 2008. Uncategorized.

One Comment

  1. cjmonty replied:

    Take a step back. This is not a personal attack on your parenting skills. It has nothing to do with the intelligence of your kids or yours for that matter. If you have a recommendation for therapy I would at least get them evaluated. Every year I have new Kindergarten kids who enter school with very poor speech and language skills. The parents will say “I thought he would outgrow it so we didn’t go”. Well have you looked at Kindergarten lately? Five year olds are suppose to learn sound symbol recognition and be able to read simple words by the end of the year. If you can’t make the sounds it is quite a challenge. If you can’t follow directions you are in trouble. They get behind fast. The kids that received speech therapy services early often don’t need therapy when they reach Kindergarten. Also there is more to speech therapy than making correct sounds. Maybe the Dr. was worried about their ability to follow directions and remain focused. I would take them for an evaluation and rule it out. If they do need therapy, public school programs are some of the best preschool programs. they have certified teachers and good student to teacher ratios. I know a lot of parents would love to have that available for their kids but can’t afford it. Your kids may be able to have it for free. So once you get over the shock I’m sure you will go and check it out. By the way, I’m a speech therapist working in the public schools.

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