Gas gives me stomach pains

So I was out with my three kids the other day and…. I’m sorry, what?  Well yes, actually, I used to have four children.  But unfortunately I had to sell one in order to PAY FOR GASOLINE.  Which is now apparently a pound of solid gold a gallon.  I never fill up my tank, I’m too impatient/late for something, and/or it is too hot/cold/rainy.  But Safeway gave me a 10 cents per gallon discount, instead of the usual 3 cents per gallon discount, because I AM THEIR MOST FAVORITIST CUSTOMER EVER!  (That, or I spent over $50 on groceries.  The details are a little hazy.)  So being oblivious the genius that I am, I figured that would be a good reason to fill’er up!  So I stood there, clutching the pump and looking undoubtedly odd as I exaggeratedly mouthed “I SAID leave your brother ALONE” through the van window.  When it clicked I hung up the pump, closed my cap, glanced at the total, and then fell over and died.

So to any family members reading this- if you are particularly fond of any of my (remaining) children, spend time with them now.  For I have a hunch I may need more gas next week.

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June 14, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized.

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