At this here weblog, we amble amiably. (And incoherently.)

One of the interesting things about keeping an online diary is discovering things about yourself that you had never realized, or knew but had never thought about.  Now a very sharp reader (sharp as a marble!) may have noticed my fondness for tangents.  On occasion I may have a wee bit of trouble staying “on topic”, as they say.  (Who says?)  It appears that where most people think in straight lines, I think like I polished off a jug of bourbon, swerving all over before collapsing in a heap.  (The End!)  What do they call it now?  (Them again!)  “Differently abled”?  “Speshul”?  Whatever it is, I have it.  But that is what makes my writing “unique”!  As well as “incomprehensible”!

Now some one else may use some type of fancy segue here, but remember my drunken stagger?  I am going to awkwardly lurch to another topic.  Because that is what I do!

My sister is getting married in September, and this past weekend a shower was thrown in her honor.  (How can anyone hope to have a successful marriage without at least seven cookie sheets- it simply can’t be done.)  And I’m sure do not even need to mention that we are some WILD PARTY ANIMALS.  Which of course means there was bingo!  Special Bridal Shower Bingo, which entailed guests filling in squares on a paper with gifts that they thought she would get, and she would open a gift, they would mark it off, blah blah five in a row, I’m sure you get the picture.  Because you are a sharp reader, remember?  Sharper than a marble, and sharper than me.  My sister- in-law was going to be printing out the game sheets, and in our emails back and forth about shower details, my brain careened off of the straight line it was attempting to follow and ended up in an old lady bingo hall!  Where they call out the numbers on the little balls, and Marge and Helga put their little plastic discs on to the corresponding numbers on their card.  So I inquired of my sister- in- law as to the need for bingo pieces?  Pellets?  Spots?  Dots?  I was not sure what they were called, which is when IT happened- I wrote that I was sorry, but I was “not up on the bingo lingo.”  I wasn’t even trying- it just came spewing out!  Like a geyser of genius!  Now I know what you are thinking: I feel very bad for your sister- in- law, as well as anyone else that has written contact with you.  As well you should!  But I meant more the other thing you were thinking: “Bingo lingo” is the single most underutilized phrase in the English language, and I congratulate you for writing it!  (I know!)  Except that as the bingo was on PAPER, their PEN would work quite nicely for marking squares, rendering the bingo plugs (?) a moot point entirely.  And that whole messy paragraph made me realize something else about myself- I will make everything WAY HARDER than it has to be, NO MATTER HOW SMALL!  Nothing is safe from me!  (Why have one baby when I can spontaneously split my zygote in to two!)  (That is a joke.  We all know it was somehow my husband’s fault.)  Anyway, I had to share my “bingo lingo” with you, as it was one of the high points of my day.  The other high points being someone pooping in the potty, and the clothes sitting in the washing machine not smelling too funky to go in the dryer.  (If my life was any more interesting, I would have to write about it!) 

I think that is all the excitement the internet can stand for one day!  And whereas someone else would insert a poignant closure here, I am going to screech to an awkward halt and tumble in to a lump on the floor.  That’s how it works here!

  (Yes, you can leave now.  Sorry ’bout all that.  It must be the bourbon.) 


June 23, 2008. Uncategorized.

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