Have I ever mentioned Matthew?

Being the middle child, he tends to get overlooked.


As I mentioned here https://pinkparachute.wordpress.com/2008/04/30/matthews-gift/ (I know there is a fancy way to trackback/ link but I have no idea what that may be.  For the same reason I do not yet have pictures on here- Technological Incompetence) Matthew is “unique” and “special” and all of those “other words” one uses when they are trying to say “he drives me insane”, without sounding like a bad parent.  He has NO PROBLEM sharing his VERY OPINIONATED OPINIONS quite LOUDLY and OFTEN.  (I have absolutely no idea where he gets that from.)  He most definitely does not subscribe to the idea of being a man of few words, but apparently believes that he who speaks the most sentences in his life will win a fabulous prize when they are old.  Or something.  All I know is that he is always talking.   

So anyway, Matthew turns seven on Friday!  Do you know what this means?  This means he has only had eleven and a half months to plan his birthday party!  (He has also been talking about his Halloween costume since January.  Talking VOCIFEROUSLY.)  Now planning a party takes a lot of work, all of which has been OUT LOUD.  First one must decide upon a location.  Luckily, that has not been a problem.  We are having a Miniature golf/ Chuck E. Cheese/ Bowling/ Movie theater/ Pool/ Laser tag party.  What do you mean, we can’t have it in six places at once?  I guess we just have to have six parties then.  No?  Mommy is so mean.  Speaking of so mean, on any given day if Mommy/ Daddy/ Michael/ Twins have offended Matthew, they are promptly NOT INVITED to his party.  Until Matthew is reminded that without his parents there is no party, in which case they are magically reinvited.  As are his brothers, since they are required by Matthew to BRING GIFTS.

Did someone mention gifts?  How generous!  Matthew is not picky!  He will accept anything you wish to give him, as long as it is a Gameboy Advance/ electric guitar (not a toy, only the REAL THING will do)/ Speed racer toy (he did not see the movie)/ Ben 10 toy (he does not watch the show)/ Power Ranger toy (he does not watch that show either)/ Pokemon cards or toy/ Wii (Daddy has one, but obviously  Matthew needs his OWN)/ any other toy sold at Target or Toys R Us or in an infomercial/ puppy.

Puppy?  Matthew has been TERRIFIED of dogs since he was a baby.  No one has any idea why, as nothing traumatic has ever happened to him, but even a puppy no bigger than a squirrel makes his eyes flash with panic.  So by typing ‘puppy’, you must be using your razor- sharp wit to create a joke, right?

Ha ha!  NO.  A few weeks ago Mr. TERRIFIED of Canines the Size of His Thumb decided he desperately wants a dog for his birthday, and not just any dog, but a GERMAN SHEPARD.  (Whaaat the freaking hey?  The child completely bewilders me.)  As you can imagine, with four kids, three cats, and one husband the LAST thing I need in this house is ONE MORE THING that pees, poops, and makes noise.  (Sorry, Matthew.  I think one of our piles of laundry moved, go play with that.)  (I am so mean!  I might not even be invited!) 

So let’s see, we have the place, and the gifts.  Is there anything else?  Guests?  Oh, of course!  Because they bring the gifts!  Food?  No thanks, he’ll be busy opening gifts.  Cake?  Eh, maybe after the gifts.  No, I think we hit all the important points.  Although with five days left to go, all of the above will change at least seventeen times.  (Except for the dog, which will be the one thing he does not change his mind about, since it is also the one thing he has no chance of getting, because his mom is SO MEAN.)

If anyone reading this has the slightest idea what is going on here, please let me know.  Because despite my best efforts, I am THOROUGHLY PERPLEXED.


July 21, 2008. Tags: , . Uncategorized.

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