I have returned!

I think I may have forgotten how to use the computer, seeing how I have not touched it in about, oh, three weeks now.  Every day has flown by, while still being really really long.  (How that is possible, I really have no idea.)  Kids!  Doctor appointments!  Kids’ doctor appointments!  The fun just never ends!  A three-year-old needed a tooth extraction (long story).  The other twin needs his tonsils removed (not as long of a story).  The six seven-year-old had a checkup with his pediatric ophthalmologist (fairly self-explanatory).  I needed a small bowel x-ray series with contrast (funny story! The barium I had to drink causes me to vomit uncontrollably, so as I gagged and retched in the waiting area the other patients eyed me with apprehensive alarm and then I what do you mean, you don’t want to know?)

So in short, the past week of my life has vanished like it was sucked in to a giant vacuum.  Now I know what you are thinking- “Jennifer, clearly you must recognize this as an obvious symptom of extraterrestrial abduction.”   While I agree it could be, I can confidently state that I was not taken by aliens.  Had they beamed me up, I would have refused to return.  Kidding!  Ha ha!  I am not one of those whiny, ungrateful mothers that is always complaining about how difficult her children are!  No, I know I was not abducted by aliens because had they appeared in my bedroom, I would have made them take the kids instead.  But!  Strictly for educational purposes.  Every little boy wants to learn about space!  And who better to teach them then a friendly, helpful alien!  (Well, possibly Patrick Stewart, who also happens to be Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise.  I watched a good bit of Star Trek: The Next Generation in middle school and have had a mad crush on him ever since (that deep voice!  that bald head!) despite the fact that he is roughly one hundred and sixteen years old.)

Anyway, as I was saying before I distracted myself, who better than to teach about space than an extraterrestrial or Captain Jean-Luc Picard?  No one, that’s who.  CERTAINLY not a “scientist”.  Jennifer is still very bitter on Pluto’s behalf.  Not a planet!  RIDICULOUS!  How would the “scientists” know- they have never even BEEN there!  Now I may have mentioned that due to previous television viewing habits I am extremely knowledgeable about space, and Pluto, I ASSURE you that you will ALWAYS be a planet.  Every out-of-date science textbook definitively says so!  So don’t listen to those mean old “scientists”.  They are probably just jealous of you for… something.

Wow!  When I started writing I had absolutely no idea that my post would be almost entirely about outer space!  I wonder what else I am an expert on?  Hopefully fontage.  (I invented a word!)   My font appears to have changed, and it was definitely not by me.  (ALIENS!)