I have a Masters Degree in parenting! I just haven’t printed it off of the computer yet

So!  Gregory is just now starting to feel better.  This has been a long and difficult week for the whole family, yet also insightful and thought-provoking as to how one should not take good health for granted.  Whether it be illness or injury, yourself or a loved one, life holds difficult challenges for us all.  This lesson, I have learned.  Repeatedly.  As in over and over again.  (I get it, life!  Thanks so much!  Let’s not do this again sometime!)

And since I stumble about blindly in the matter of twindom (twinness?  twinsanity?)  (yes!  that last one!)  I was unprepared for exactly how much Andrew would be affected by Gregory’s tonsils.  (“Unprepared” meaning “I had not even the faintest of inklings”.)  I’m guessing it might be an attention and subsequent jealousy issue, as well as the change in daily routines, as well as maybe this is the Year of the Dragon in China because Jupiter is in retrograde, I DON’T KNOW but the three-year-old mood swings in this house resemble a pack of monkeys let loose in the chandelier department of Home Depot.  TWINSANE!  (I can tell you right now that word is going to be GROSSLY OVERUSED here.  Because I love it.)  We go from whiny to clingy to hyper to needy to cooperative to Ipeltyouwithhardplastictoysfornoreason to crying within minutes, TIMES TWO, to the second power.  Now I understand, Gregory is still in pain at times, and Andrew is dealing with his own issues.  I understand, and I also wonder, do I have any narcotics leftover from my OWN surgery because my coping mechanisms appear to have left for a relaxing vacation and LEFT THE REST OF ME BEHIND, and isn’t popping pills more appropriate at 9:15 am than downing vodka straight from the bottle?  I checked my parenting books, and am shocked to find that none of the “experts” have touched on that question.  CLEARLY the only thing left to do is to become an “expert” myself, and write my own book, so that other people’s kids may also have the opportunity to experience juvenile detention facilities firsthand!  (Why should my kids have all the fun?!)  If you can become a reverend online, then “expert” is probably available in convenient monthly installments of only $19.99, plus s/h, and a free gift if you act in the next ten minutes!  All I know is that someone gets paid to write that stuff, and anyone that can say “calmly and firmly denounce the undesirable behavior, and then redirect their attention elsewhere” has never seen a determined little boy launch himself in to a diving tackle in order to gnaw on his brother’s tibia.  Of course, then again, maybe that’s just MY children.  If so, I don’t want to know

So HOPEFULLY life will be getting a little more normal soon.  Then again, I include a version of that sentence in EACH AND EVERY POST, and am still waiting.  (Take your time, life!  No rush! Simply disregard the CRAZED GLEAM in my eye!  We’re fine here!)

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September 9, 2008. Tags: , . Uncategorized.

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