Beauty and Fashion Volume 2- Fall AND Wedding Edition (I’m trying out this new “multitasking” concept!) (It is TOO new. IS TOO. Why ELSE would I have never done it before?!) (Who just said “laziness”? I heard you!)

So I went shopping for some shirts the other day!  (Or “tops”?  Does “tops” sound hipper than “shirts”?  Do people still use the term “hipper”?  So many questions!  GOOD THING I am a FASHION EXPERT!)  The boutique I visited was so exclusive, I can not tell you its name, because you will KEEL OVER with jealousy.  Let’s just say it rhymes with “Charget”.  I did not buy any “tops”, however, due to some slight problems this particular boutique was experiencing.  Namely, their maternity section had TAKEN OVER THE ENTIRE WOMEN’S DEPARTMENT.  Every shirt, every dress, even things that I couldn’t tell if they were a shirt or a dress- all skillfully designed to make even a 76 pound twelve-year-old boy look SIX MONTHS PREGNANT.  Now I loved looking pregnant when I, um, WAS, but without the fetus?  NOT SO MUCH.  This trend has been around for several seasons, and I would like to know WHY.  Also, I would like to know why now, and not for the five years straight that I actually WAS pregnant.  Now I know I am a fashion trailblazer, and am frequently ahead of the trends, if not starting the trends myself, but LET”S NOT GO OVERBOARD HERE.  If you hip designers want to copy my style, try something more universally flattering, like booger-encrusted yoga pants.  (Are they still yoga pants if you do not actually do yoga?  Am I really concerned about that?  This expert says “no”.)

So!  My friend Talia is getting married, and I am in the wedding!  This is exciting news, as it means I get to not only shower, but also shave my armpits!  (It is a fancy wedding, after all.  Jennifer is going ALL OUT.)  The wedding is on Sunday, and everyone else is doing their own hair, and since I procrastinated want to be like the other girls I am doing my own hair too.  I have practiced a little, and would like to know: are bobby pins an actual styling tool, or a humorous practical joke?  (I am fairly confident I know the answer to that question.  And I am not amused.)  I am ALSO confident that I am going to look like a supermodel!  You know, the kind that are in the magazines, photographed on a lush tropical island.  Just like that!  If she had been stranded for a week.  And her hairstylist had been eaten by mutant lobsters.

The bridesmaids are wearing silver shoes, in part because the bride thinks gold shoes look a little ‘cheap’.  And I TOTALLY AGREE.  (Of course the fact that I already own silver shoes has nothing to do with my agreeance.)  (I’m not sure if “agreeance” is a word, but if it wasn’t, IT IS NOW.)  So I figure that if I can find a silver Scrunchie to go with my Bedazzled silver flip-flops, I’ll be good to go!

(That thumping sound was Talia falling over in a dead faint.  But that’s good!  A bride needs her rest, you know.)

I have been making many preparations for the fancy wedding.  Now perhaps you have noticed me, um… “joke” about how I shower once a week.  Well, due to my evening collapse in to a coma fatigue I generally only wash my face when I shower, which would be a grand total of once or twice a week.  Luckily I was blessed with skin that can take it, except for when it breaks out with zits, which is most of the time.  So I thought that for the fancy wedding I would make the EXTRA EFFORT of caring for my skin!  I have washed it twice a day, every day, and used several of my creams and serums that five or six days a week are just very expensive bathroom decorations.  And I am THRILLED to report that after all of this work, my skin looks the same, except FLAKIER.  Which is not precisely the effect I was going for.  My “awkward stage” hit me in middle school, so WHY HAS IT NOT YET ENDED?

That is all for now.  Maybe possibly I will post a picture of me from the fancy wedding,  but don’t get too excited by that prospect, as my technical support adviser has VERY IMPORTANT BUSINESS to attend to.  Like soduko.  And tweezing errant beard hairs.  And Googling ‘laser hair removal’.  And downloading songs for his ipod.  And that is providing I don’t forget the camera in the first place, which is fairly likely.  So it doesn’t sound good, but STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED.  (Conceived any twins lately?)


October 2, 2008. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized.


  1. Emily replied:

    I have silver shoes, too! It’s settled then – we ARE the foremost fashion experts! I’m not complaining about the sack-clothes trend. It validates my naturally slovely style 😀

  2. Pat Trigilio replied:

    Jen you were gorgeous!!!!! Loved the shoes, the hair and I can’t wait to see the pic of you on the piano 🙂

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