Does anyone know of real estate available in, say, Antarctica?

We (well, I) had a Traumatizing Experience today.  There was a GIANT TARANTULA on my couch.  We are talking like the size of a QUARTER.  And this is the THIRD in the past WEEK.  In my HOUSE.  You may be able to tell from my CAPS USAGE that I would rather bathe in a bathtub full of snakes than encounter a spider.  And here I was, ALONE, except for the twins, who were not much help.  Since they were witnessing the event, I am proud to say I handled it with dignity.  If “dignity” involves letting loose one bloodcurdling scream after another as I jumped around and attempted to whack at it with a shirt.  (Now that I think about it, they may not have been much help because my reaction paralyzed them in to shock.)  So anyway, trying to murder Aragog with a SpongeBob pajama top only made it angry, and if you are wondering what kind of fool uses a size 4 pajama top as a weapon the answer would be one who is MAD WITH PANIC, that’s who.  I finally managed to grab a hairbrush and clobber away until it was unquestionably deceased, after which I eventually remembered to stop screaming.  Our preschool teacher Mrs. Smith (or as we know her, Miss Sniff) will NO  DOUBT get quite an entertaining story today!

In this age of reusable grocery bags and health- conscious moms it is hip to be all eco-green-earth friendly- drive a hybrid giant suv- buy the expensive formula that makes your baby smarter and then recycle the can-stuff and that is good.  Go Earth!  And as you all know, I am so hip I can barely fit in to my pants.  But you had better believe that I am going to go git me some INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH POISON KILLER BUG SPRAY.  If they have one that is only legal in twelve states, I WILL BUY IT.  I want the spider to KEEL OVER AND DIE WHEN HE SEES THE CAN.  I would not shy from using a BLOWTORCH, were it not for the whole “burning the house down” issue.  Although if I see many more of these monstrosities around here, then HELL YES I WILL BURN THE HOUSE DOWN.

Do you remember me saying something about how being on the Prozac levelled out my emotions?  Neither do I.


October 9, 2009. Uncategorized.

Leave a Comment

Be the first to comment!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Trackback URI

%d bloggers like this: