Natalis du Februarius (Don’t worry, I don’t know what it means either.)

As I am sure you’re aware, February contains some very important holidays.  In fact, the whole month is pretty much one big partay!  The Super Bowl, for instance!  Mardi Gras!  Groundhog Day is a lively one, because if you are not excited about a day devoted to celebrating a giant rodent then, well, I really don’t know what’s wrong with you.  President’s Day was big this year!  I noticed a lot of people getting flowers and candy around that time, and was impressed by the patriotism those gestures clearly exhibited.  But by far the most significant holiday was the birthday of my niece, aka Anna, aka My Favorite Person In The World!  She is two now, and disturbingly intelligent.  She knows the entire alphabet (Andrew and Gregory, who are five, can [with some wild guessing] name most of the letters), she knows all of her colors (including the difference between ochre and chartreuse), and she started Calculus II last week.  So what to give her?  

A doll, of course!  And naturally I couldn’t buy one, like a NORMAL  person.  (Ha!)  No, I had to make one!  This was my first time making a doll, and so being me I couldn’t use a pattern (like a NORMAL person would have) and instead floundered my way through it with dazzling ineptitude, which now that I think about it is pretty much my life’s own personal motto.  (“Floundering wildly with ineptitude, since 1978!”)

First I drew a doll-ish shape on some fabric.  So far, so good!  I began to cut it out, as Gregory began shrieking for Andrew to come at once, announcing with great relish that “she’s gonna kill the baby!”  This was VERY EXCITING NEWS, for as I’m sure you know, there is nothing more fun than some good old fashioned voodoo baby torture.  They watched with wide eyes as I attacked the baby with my scissors, then my sewing machine, before packing it full of stuffing.  And, for a thrilling climax, I stabbed it in its face with a needle, over and over again!  Once the violence was over they lost interest, which is good, because I started getting cranky.  Cranky because I was making the dress, and while doing so began to see a distinct advantage in purchasing lead-filled chemical-laden Made in China toys, namely a LACK OF HAND CRAMPS.  (The dress was small, and my fingers are not.)   I ended up crocheting a little sweater, because the thought of sewing sleeves made me want to weep.  (Of course she needed her arms covered, it is February, people!  That’s how you catch pneumonia!)

(No, I do not consider myself to be slightly nutty about my craft projects, why would you ask such a ridiculous question?!)

Her dress has cats on it, because Anna loves kitties, and letters, because when Anna is not watching Dora the Explorer she likes to translate Latin for fun.

She seemed to like her baby.  The first thing she did was to check for a little diaper, which was nice, in a satisfying sort of way.  Because if you have never sewed bits of velcro to a doll-sized felt diaper before, DON’T.  Unless you enjoy those hand cramps I mentioned.

OR unless it is for your Favorite Little Girl In The Whole Entire World, in which case it is totally worth it.  Happy birthday, Anna!  Let me know when you are finished with Vitruvius’s De Architectura, and we’ll snack out on some fishy crackers!

(In other holiday news, my dad is taking me out for a nice President’s Day dinner tomorrow evening.  I will have to buy him some Abraham Lincoln-shaped chocolates.)


February 16, 2010. Uncategorized.

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