Stay back, I have my cranky pants on

I have always LOVED reading.  As a child I preferred to sit in my room and read over playing with friends, swimming, really anything else.  My mother used to punish me by taking away my reading privileges, and my teachers were horrified!  Denying a child books!  But what else could she do?  Send me to my room?  Take away television, phone, playmates?  Awesome- more time to read!!  (What can I say, I’ve always been odd “unique”.)  In seventh grade we had a school field trip to Gettysburg, so I did what every other twelve-year-old girl does on a long bus ride with her friends- I read the copy of Gone With the Wind I bought from the gift shop!  Luckily it was over 1,000 pages long, so I finished it not on the bus, but at home that evening.  Luckily, because when I finished it I SOBBED for THREE HOURS.  (And then read it again the next day.)  I thought I had loved reading before, but it became a FULL- FLEDGED OBSESSION.  I devoured books voraciously.  And then?  I started manufacturing kids.  And WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED that the more children I produced, the less I was able to read!  Whether it be time, or energy, or the fact that my brain resembles a wad of gum melted to the sidewalk, anymore I get a satisfied thrill by finishing a Lands’ End catalog.  Which brings us to some Vacation Stats!

     Number of books squirreled away in various suitcases for my reading pleasure: 8

     Number of books actually read: 0 Half of an Oprah magazine belonging to my mother-in-law  (Dear Grammy, after we collapsed on the living room floor arrived home, I noticed that I had accidentally stolen it from you.  But don’t worry!  I will return it as soon as I’m finished reading it.  Which will be anywhere between Thursday and when the twins go to college.)

Are you ready for some amusing irony?  Splashed across the side of Oprah’s abdomen are the words “LOOKING FOR A GOOD BOOK?  We’ve got 27 terrific summer reads for the plane, porch, pool, hammock, beach, bed…”  Well now!  I have been everywhere but the hammock and let me tell you there was NO BOOK READING going on there.  (“Plane”!  That’s a good one!!)  Now I’m sure that anyone who has raised small children and actually lived through it can smile encouragingly and say “Someday you will read books/sleep/not be crazy again”, yet I am becoming increasingly suspicious that “someday” is a desperate figment of my imagination, rather than something that is actually going to occur.

I have sucked you in to my vacuum of hopelessness!  Isn’t it fun here!

Michael had a check up today, and his pediatrician casually mentioned that if we had any travel plans that included leaving the country, to, you know, Mexico or somewhere, to let him know so that we could schedule the proper hepatitis shots.


Was I supposed to know that?  How was I supposed to know that?!  (If you say “by reading a book on child-rearing” I will throw something at you.)  This whole parenting operation is an endless web of complications.  That, or I am dramatically under-qualified for it, I’m not sure.  I would ponder that question in depth but if being a mother has taught me anything it is that THERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO.  (Like what happened to the upstairs bathroom.  Please don’t tell me.  Just clean it up.)

Yesterday was approximately 57 hours long.  Today is shaping up to be the same.  But I PROMISE that tomorrow I will spread cheer and happiness and goodwill to all corners of the internet!  Although I’m not certain the internet has corners.  I AM certain that I am too cranky to care.


July 8, 2008. Tags: , , , , . Uncategorized. 3 comments.